Well, I'm on the verge of a nervous breakdown. I know, it's dramatic, but I am. I won't have one - I will just teeter on the edge until I get through it. I don't have the luxury of actually having one and am amazed by those who do. When I hear - "Oh, she just got overwhelmed and wouldn't get out of bed" I think to myself "Who can do that? Who can give into that desire to pull the covers over their head and let everyone else take care of things?"
My mom relayed to me last night that my Aunt had spent 10 hours in jail (long story, my Aunt did nothing wrong, it was just a weird thing). My mom says "Isn't that horrible!?" My response: "No. It sounds wonderful." Yes, I would love to be arrested and put in a cell for up to 4 days where no one could call me, email me or text me anything. Where I could just zone out, sleep, and move when someone told me to. Where all responsibility was taken out of my hands and I could do nothing.
I am currently trying to hold down 4 jobs, take care of my kids and have some semblance of an actual life. It's not going so well. I was sending emails at 3am again last night. Yes, yes, it is my doing - I chose to have 4 jobs, I chose to have kids etc. I know it will all come together and everything will be fine. Right now - I'm just freaking out a little.
Jeff and I? Oh, that's another story. One I might tell for the good of society and to get it all aired and open, but not right now. Life is tough, man. Life is a struggle.
That's the only point of the first part of this post. To vent, complain, wallow. Again, sometimes if I just write it down - it seems more simple and less overwhelming. I have been given opportunities - amazing opportunities, and I am grateful for them....sometimes I just wish they didn't come with such high expectations.
IN OTHER NEWS!!!!
It's Emma Linden Hall's birthday. That's right. My little baby is 5 years old and I really can't believe it. She was up at 6am this morning demanding (with excitement) her birthday breakfast and presents from her sister. We will have cake and pressies tonight and a trip to Lagoon with her BFF on Sunday. My, doesn't time fly? That little smiling baby is now a happy, bright, loving, hilarious kid. A full blown kid. Emma is non stop action - always happy - always asking and learning (right now she is reading and writing constantly) - loves her sister and her school. She is nothing but fun and I truly mean it when I tell her I am the luckiest mom in the world. I love getting to know her and seeing what kind of person she is becoming.
Happy Birthday, lil Em. You are a star.
